Confessions Of A Modern Mystic
Morning ritual with coffee and computer (no makeup + bedhead included)
About a dozen years ago, something happened that changed everything.
About a dozen years ago, a monumental shift in perception and identity occurred. I had been meditating quite a bit. I knew something was coming, and yet…it still surprised me.
This radical shift is known as a spiritual awakening, a satori, a path moment — all kinds of words to describe the indescribable.
Who I took myself to be was sucked into eternal voidness, leaving simply this moment. And it was seen that this moment of awareness/presence/infinite now IS what I am, and always had been. What a cosmic joke to have thought I was separate and small! I laughed and laughed until my cosmic body shook.
There would be even more shifts, and another, fuller and abiding awakening. And lots of little earthquakes. The deep spiritual path offers stages, and ever-deepening realizations, and terrain. What we think is the “end” is really only a beginning-less beginning.
But years ago, this shift not only cracked open and revealed the truth of my infinite nature, it kicked up a storm of sorts. Whoo boy.
Within a day of this shift in perception and identity, a presence became activated in my lower spine that some might call Kundalini. I didn’t know what it was at the time. I only knew a fire hose shot up from what seemed like my tailbone and out the top of head and into the cosmos, and I was a walking, sitting, standing, laying-down, bewildered, blissed-out weirdo.
And then huge energies began pouring in through the top of my head, filling me, loving my jagged edges, welcoming my trauma, digesting and softening the shame and fears and gripping.
People could feel the energy when they were in the room with me.
But, annoyingly, my presence within a 20 foot radius with a computer or a smartphone or a car would also, unfortunately, cause the mechanical thingy to stop working. Sometimes temporarily, sometimes…um…for good. (Sorry to everyone whose batteries died because I came along for the ride!)
It took years for the Kundalini to settle, and for these Universal energies to find a cooperative way to work with my body, mind, and heart.
But also at this time, dead people began showing up. Yup. Look, I was just as surprised, once again. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t pray for a psychic opening the way some people might. Hell no. I wanted to live as the interconnected Buddha-nature we all are. After all, I was a good little Theravada and Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner, meditating away, and I just wanted some damn peace. (But Mercury in the 8th house in Cancer had other ideas?)
So I got way more than I bargained for.
I began to see into the fabric of what we know as reality, and it appeared as a waking dream. I understood details about people, and why they were the way they were. I found that there could be a movement of energy and flow if I directed my mind and heart in certain ways. I began to deeply understand who I am, and the causes and conditionings that contributed to this concoction of “Sarah”.
Oh! And did I mention I had been a staunch atheist up to this point? Yeah.
And so, having offered mostly massage therapy for my work, things in my world shifted on many levels. I trained as a Reiki Master, took mediumship classes with a well known psychic and medium, worked with these energies and my “knowings” on my own, and discovered a group of Guides and Masters I could tap into any time (or rather, who often came to me when I didn’t even summon them). They began to teach me all sorts of things. Past lives began spontaneously showing up across the screen of my mind — and in my body and energy and memory — resolving on their own.
I would get up to make a sandwich and BAM: I would see a life, and all its important points, and the death. I’d know the fears, the confusions, what was unresolved. It would have resonance with this life and I’d fill with compassion for this being and all they went through. And it would pop.
This continues to this day, although the rapidity with which the stream of lives has appeared has slowed. We don’t always need to see or experience past lives to undergo a release of the hold they’ve had on us in this life.
But yes, indeed, you may be wondering: several psychological professionals grilled me and declared me sane (or as sane as one can be living in the 21st century). There’s nothing wrong with me, per say, except that I’ve realized I’m nothing and everything all at once, and live from that. Hello, nice to meet you - I’m the universe and so are YOU! Hold on to your hats! (Or, actually, don’t. Let go of everything you think you need for the journey. <Insert mysterious laughter here.>)
And my trauma…Lordy. That’s what was also being unlocked and probably making me appear the most unhinged. The stuffed and shamed and terror-soaked past had woken up and was coming out to be met; to be acknowledged, transmuted, integrated, and cleared.
But things quieted down, and in time, we develop skill sets, boundaries, and ways of dealing with nearly anything in life, don’t we? The organism that we are adjusts. I was no longer a boat at sea, floundering with all of this phenomena — nor being distracted by it.
Because here’s the thing: one moves toward greater and greater freedom on the deep spiritual path. And many teachers and masters through the centuries find psychic phenomena to be distractions along the way, but are a welcomed exploration once certain levels of ongoing awake-ness are established. After all, people can develop whole new identities out of such openings.
So I began working with all of this, and staying on course with my own adventures in consciousness. After all, fully waking up and clearing and integrating my conditioned material, and leading an authentic, truthful life, with both wisdom and compassion, was — and is — my path.
But first, I had to discover what compassion for myself looked like, and stop being a co-dependent Bodhisattva. And hot DAMN it began involving a lot of saying “no”, letting go of toxic situations and dynamics, and learning about boundaries. All the while I was saying “yes” to being drenched; the boundaries of “me” disappearing into the Divine, as the Divine Itself. This paradox can be confusing for many, and it sure was for me. But no more.
I continued my own healing journey, because, let me tell you — there has been A LOT to unpack. I’ve been busy, you could say. This lifetime is about clearing out the closets, baby!
But about a dozen years ago, when all of this radical upheaval began, I was also working as a stand up comic and actor in Los Angeles. I was navigating a long term relationship that was forged before all this happened, and, at the time, finding my way despite an absence of teachers who had been there and lived such deep shifts.
It has made for a wild ride, but I’ve lived to tell. So far.
Years later, a fuller, deeper, and abiding awakening into unity consciousness and beyond would take place. This shift was quieter in many ways. No fanfare. But its profundity and impact is what is lived, ongoing, day-to-day now. And hey, my team of Guides and Masters have changed, an upgrade of sorts. And I’m still talking to to benevolent beings who guide and teach me.
I’m not perfect. I’m human. I have so much to learn about relationships, and life, and how to convert a Word doc to a PDF, and all sorts of stuff, including how to function as a wild force of nature. People who have realized timeless wisdom…still have much to learn in these fragile human bodies.
So why am I telling you all this?
First, I’m writing a book. It feels like the book I needed 12 years ago. I feel it’ll be of benefit, wherever you’re at on your spiritual path.
And secondly, I’d like your help. Does any of what I describe sound familiar to you?
In my book, I share my own direct experience, as well as what I’ve learned from assisting hundreds of people through the years as a spiritual guide, energy healing practitioner, and intuitive channel.
And there are myths about spiritual awakening I’d like to bust.
And honestly, I’d like to set free all I’ve been sitting on. There is a call to reveal, to share, to say: “I’m here with you, and transformation is blessed and a bitch. But you’re going to be OK.”
And I’d like to hear from YOU.
If you were to read a book (by me!) about spiritual awakening, healing, and aligning with your authentic life, what would it be?
What kinds of gatherings, sessions, videos, talks, tidbits and tips would you like to see me offer?
What topics or themes would you like to see me cover?
I have a survey on my website, or you can contact me here.
If at least ten of you offer your thoughts, questions, and ideas via email or through my survey, I’ll hold a free healing energy gathering with a Q & A for you on Zoom. If you can’t attend on the date I choose, I’ll record it and send it to you.
So I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks for reading this. If you made it to the end, then…I will high five you and your excellent attentional skills when I see you next! And I’m grateful for you. Reach out.