Relax. People Have Been Doing This For Centuries.
I’m working with a student who has had an awakening, and they’re seeing themselves differently, the world differently, life differently. They’re noticing they aren’t controlling everything. That things are happening, without a “doer”. This is liberating…and unsettling.
This is just the beginning for them. And they didn’t really go seeking this. Some of you who know my story, remember that this is, for the most part, true on my path. I just wanted meditation to bring more peace, and to help me with stress and creativity. Whooo boy I got more than I asked for.
And it’s the same for this dear student I’m working with.
They aren’t seeing through the lens of a “me”, or at least not a “me” they recognize and are familiar with. A sense of self is still there, but because there is a draining away of habituation and identification, this can be experienced as a center-less existence.
It can be disorienting, and usually is.
At times this can feel dry, colorless, and flat. At others time, chaotic and overwhelming. And at times…lovely. Freeing.
But honestly, with awakening, you’re going to get a mixed bag.
And so the belief “there must be something I’m supposed to be doing” will have its way. These beliefs — these conditioned, habitual responses to life — are energy signatures that are carried with us. They often get louder when the sense of “me” can’t be found, or is changing.
This is what I recommend to folks who are awakening. I found it was helpful to me in the early stages…and at all the points along this wild path of waking up.
And I have to add: these four recommendations may support you no matter how “advanced” you are. I work with folks who are just beginning to wake up, and also those who are deep on the awakening path; no longer seekers, but finders. After all, even beyond the most mature realizations, there is no end point to how Life is showing up, flowing through you, as You, and revealing Itself.
So.
What is this moment asking of you? You’ll notice there is a reflex to want to inject our energy, our ideas — us into situations. To be heard, to be understood, to change something, to help someone, to make something go away or some other thing start happening - and usually fast.
We take others' behavior personally, and we somehow think it’s up to us to make a lot of stuff happen.
“How am I doing? Am I doing this right?” seems to be the mantra.
With the sense that there is no “doer” — only doing and being — we begin to embrace receptivity, and to allow for the spontaneous arising of what’s going on. This way of living spontaneously is one that we may not be used to.
A trust is building that Life is happening without us constantly running interference. So instead of trying to implement something, ask what is this moment asking of me? Is it to slow down? To pay attention to the tying of the shoelace, or the opening of the door, or listening to your friend or child, or stepping away, or pausing, or answering the email, or getting up to flip the light switch because it’s getting dark as the sun goes down?
Your child cries. You respond. The stoplight turns green. You go.
Simple. Keep it simple. And give yourself to Life and this moment. It is an act of generosity to do so, a giving of one’s self.
Maybe you’re listening more than talking. Less interjecting your take on things. Explore that.
Maybe you’re speaking up more, when usually you shrink from expression. Explore that.
Life is spontaneously happening. Discover what it’s like, as though you are learning to walk again.
Connect to your heart. When we begin to wake up, before we realize we are Life, we can feel separate from it. We feel like a witness. This is an important piece to this journey, as being the witness dissolves a lot of identity, but this stage can feel devoid of juice, and as I mentioned, flat.
Often people might say: “It’s all meaningless. What’s the point?”
We will experience a draining away of prior motivations, of subtle identity structures, of habitual, reflexive movements of the mind.
So rest at your heart. Your humanity.
The point of being here is love, and to embrace the truth of this connection with others. To discover there are no others, on the most fundamental level. And to also rejoice in differentiation, and the uniqueness of each being, and each relationship you have.
To love does not mean we endure mistreatment from others in the name of spirituality or Oneness. This Love doesn’t ask you to wither on the vine and weaken.
It simply is.
You can love someone and not agree with them, or even leave a relationship. But love is still there. It’s out of love that these choices are often made. A love for your own life, your own health and well being. A love of truth.
But love is fundamental to why we are here. Our existence is out of this Love, and Life’s fabric is Love. And for all the talk of “Divine Love”, I’m including our very human ability to love.
It’s important you connect to not just your Spirit, but to your humanity.
So I always advise people who begin to feel disconnected from their familiar life and are disturbed by it:
bring your attention to your heart, acknowledging that this is the center through which you have known love, compassion, kindness, generosity, receptivity.
Imagine a bright golden orb of light there.
Now imagine the people you care about having bright orbs of light at their hearts too. A beam of golden light connects your heart to theirs.
Whether they drive you crazy or you get along swimmingly, feel this connection. Remember this. This sameness. They, too, have these hearts. You are not that different.
That’s it. You don’t have to change them, or you, or make a decision about someone, or get caught up in stories about love or connection in this moment. You simply rest here, just being and breathing.
If there is a decision or clarity to be had, it will arise spontaneously at some point. Trust in that.
You can do this at the grocery store with the people in line. In traffic. (I mean don’t close your eyes, you know?)
And the way love feels will change. It’s OK. More and more, love will feel less personal and simply like a fact of being. This can alarm people, but in time, we find it’s quite natural.
Be curious about it, rather than draw conclusions. Let this Love reveal Itself to you.
Keep it simple. Eat healthy, care for your body, keep the routines, and do the habits that are healthy and support you. Get enough rest. Stay hydrated. Yup.
This isn’t a time to make huge decisions about your direction in life, or summations as to your character (or probably anyone else’s). Simple simple. One step at a time. One minute, one hour, one day.
Do your life, but now without what was was seemingly there before. Explore what that’s like. Which brings me to.
Be where you’re at. I’ve written a blog about this already, but soften into what is here, right now. Open to this experience.
I’m not necessarily saying “just be present!”.There is a lot of talk from popular spiritual teachers about being present, and the mindfulness movement has made being present the pinnacle and the seeming point of it all.
But really, presence is a by-product of identity softening and falling away, either in fleeting moments, or in stretches of time, and eventually as a way of life. Being present happens when we rest in the unknown, and drop the need to be certain. Presence is all that is here when we fully wake up.
Presence includes the multiplicity of this moment, as well as its simplicity.
The deeper the path goes, this now moment is revealed more and more loudly — that’s the only way I can describe it, often as a thundering silence of now-ness.
But you don’t have to work hard to be present. And that’s not what this is about.
I’m simply saying, without trying to figure it all out, deepen into your experience. It is showing you something, exposing a facet on the mulit-faceted diamond of existence.
No need to hurry this up, get away from how you’re feeling, move to the next level in this video game or come up with conclusions. Be curious. Soften. Connect to your body, your breath, your heart. Be here.
Maybe there is pain mixed in with a sense of expanse. Maybe there is fear and also a bewildering, persistent peace. Maybe there is confusion, a discombobulation. OK.
If your approach is “hands off”, your experience will naturally change. It always does. But something will also strengthen that is needed to embody the realizations you’re having.
At one point, after a deep awakening beyond my former sense of self, where a brand new disorientation set in, my body tensed. Though my mind was quiet and still, I heard a voice say:
“Relax. People have been doing this for centuries.”
It’s true.
Waking up is as old as time. It’s real, it happens, and not just to famous spiritual figures that people makes memes about. At this point in our evolution, more folks are awakening to various degrees, and if it’s an authentic awakening, many are bewildered as to what’s happening.
What’s happening is you are finding out what it’s like to live in a new way.
For right now, this moment is enough. Plant yourself here. Something in you knows what this is. Trust that.
Padmasambhava, the awakened 8th century mystic who brought Buddhism to Tibet.